My inner voice speaks up

Being a single but joyful mom, and who thinks positively towards future. Somehow, I feel extra blessed that God is always in control and takes full care for me and my family. Challenges are always there, where do I get my strength to strive on? When my soul is on the verge of giving in to compassion fatigue, when I know what the right thing to do but I am too tired to give out and helpful, that is when I need God to restore my soul, to replenish me as a woman needs being loved. Over the years, I don't feel such a need (to be loved by a man) so strong. Maybe I need the one but I dare not to air I need a soul mate to love me tenderly and care me wholeheartedly and to treat me the only special one in his eyes. Well, the encounter of such a temptation (a fantasy love) recently, somehow, reveals my inner most even more thoroughly. This is my need which I should not deny it nor just simply suppress it. Thanks God and my HOLY SPIRIT who strikes me to face it squarely. But, in the meantime, my HOLY SPIRIT takes guidance of me. Being a disciple, I have a trustworthy support group who loves me and not judges me, I am bold enough to air and address this temptation and ask for advice and support.

• Am I really following God's words?
• Am I putting God the first?
• Am I really believing God who will know my need and will pour the best to me?

I am empowered that God really cares and knows me and makes something happen to help me to dig into my innermost to grow and trust more on God. I go back to replay my first acquaintance with my Lord when I was totally desperate. Psalm 23 gives me a powerful reinforcement.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside the still waters.
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Yea, though I walk through the valley of　the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.
For thou art with me.
Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
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Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the House of the Lord forever.
For sure, God knows me and so I address my need to my shepherd. Blessed is the one who loves God, trusts HIM. I will keep on praying and listening to HIS soft whisper to my doubt and challenge.

Sure, it's never the plan for me to escape from a marriage with a non-xian but jump headlessly into another marriage with non-xian spouse. Sorry, I am thinking too far beyond. I don't deny or oppress my need. In contrast, I voice out my need to date with some xian brothers to open myself and ready to embrace my promise as endorsed by my Lord.

I will stick to rediscover the intimate love with my LORD.